One of my bridesmaids is also getting married, I'm her bridesmaid too. It's a very unique, special and fun relationship we have right now as we are both stepping into a new chapter of our lives and we both have similar problems and celebrations. Though, at times we both need to take a step back and realize that the other is getting married too. And we both have to help the other get excited, prepare and set up for her big day.
She, along with my sisters, has thrown me an amazing engagement party. It was so much fun! Though she doesn't want an engagement party. Nor does she want a lot of fuss to be had on her part. But I would love nothing else then to throw her a grand ol' party!
After much discussion and realization, I realized she isn't me, she doesn't want the same things as I do. We're opposites but we balance each other out. So I told her she has to stop treating me as if she's my bridesmaid (all of the time) and start treating me like I'm hers. She has to tell me, and others in the party, to just shut up and help her with things she needs help with. She really needs to handle the maids and tell them what's what.
The thing about bridesmaids is that they're not really maids. Everyone has their own lives and schedules and though they're happy for you they probably can't make it out to every appointment, every shopping excursion and talk about colour pairing for hours on end. It's difficult to say but... the maids aren't going to help you unless you tell them too.
Even though they're your best friends, sisters or cousins, you are the bride - so tell them what you want and don't let them run the show. They're going to help and they're going to want what's best, so let them know how to do that. Just be smart and communicate what you want. It's your wedding, they're there to help you have your dream day and ease the stress leading up to it.
If you can't get the message across maybe try some of these helpful hints.
Fun ideas to help get the message across:
Title them:
At a party or a shower make up little name tags that title who's who. Make tags that say "Maids" for the bridal party. It'll be a fun way of getting the message across and kicking the party into a playful mood.
Wear the Crown:
You can purchase 'Bridesmaid' play crowns at almost any dollar store. Make them wear it when you guys are together so they can clearly be in the 'bridesmaid' mind frame.
Give them a calendar:
In this calendar have tasks for them to complete by certain dates. Even if the tasks are as simple as 'calling to check up on my sanity' it may help you keep in touch with them and get thing accomplished a bit more easily.
Talk to them:
Clearly outline what you want and don't want. Usually the bridesmaids deal with the stag and doe, the shower and a bachelorette party. If you don't want something, such as strippers, then clearly say "I DO NOT WANT THAT." If they don't listen to you, perhaps they should have a name tag that says 'guest' instead... just a suggestion.
Include them:
Include your bridesmaids in your tasks, get them to help you out when you need them. Everyone wants to feel part of your wedding, especially your laddies. So ask them to come shopping for flowers with you or help you choose your jewellery. Let them know that you want them there and that you're excited with them. The gesture will be greatly received and be well returned.
This is a really good point about the bachelorette. Be very specific with the things you DON'T want! People always things they know what's best, but the bride must stand her ground.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding and I'm so excited to help out with all of the different tasks. I definitely don't want to be that difficult bridesmaid that complains about the dress or the cost. Although I did make it clear that I won't be participating in any choreographed dance numbers unless they're meant to look ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteI was a bridesmaid in my sisters wedding last fall. It was a lot of work, but very rewarding in the end. It was nice to be a part of something that meant so much to my sister. She was very clear is what she wanted and didn't want, which was nice because the other bridesmaids and myself knew what we were expected to do.
ReplyDeleteI don't have much experience being a bridesmaid but this seems like some solid advice. You should do a post of the top ten wedding disasters and how to avoid them. Something like: 5) Your future mother-in-law wears a white dress. That would be hilarious. Not the white dress scenario. The list. The white dress thing would be ridiculousness.
ReplyDeleteMy sister is getting married this spring, so I'm a first time maid of honor. It's definitely an exciting and fun time! My sister has been a wonderful bride. She's clearly communicates what wants and isvery considerate of her bridesmaids' schedule and commitments. Great tips Gillian!
ReplyDeleteGillian this was a great post. I would never want a friend to get buried under things people "thought" she wanted and get nothing SHE really wanted. Its amazing that you have a girlfriend to go through this with. Having each other may help you openly talk about what you want and dont want.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I like your tips, although I would've been pretty displeased if I had wear a crown every time I got together with my sister-in-law... It's very true when you said "it's your day" as the bride, everything should be how you want it and good bridesmaids are there to help make that happen.
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff! Good thing you are laying down what you expect. You DO NOT want brides-maidzillas running around !
ReplyDelete